Out of the last 800 days, I must
have used the Metro at least 500 times. Now before you start thinking that I
am so obsessed to keep a track of the number of days gone by, let me tell
you that the figure of 800 comes from the fact that I have completed just over
two years in my current organization and hence the number.
And the figure of 500 is an
estimate. Please note that it is 500 times and not 500 days, because every day
that I do decide to go to work by Metro, I also decide to come back home and
hence a count of 2 per day and hence the number of 500.
Now that I have cleared the air
for the doubting Thomases, let me come to the main objective of this blog. I believe
that I have cracked the code for men on how to ensure a seat in a Metro every time that
you travel. I shall be generous enough to share the secret with all of you
through this manual:
Step 1: Step into the ladies coach only if you are feeling fit and rich:
This step should be obvious to the men but it does not seem so. If you are
a man and you do enter their coach, forget getting any seating but be sure of
getting a beating! And if it is your unlucky day, you will also be fined and
handed over to the police. So stay away from this coach. If you are a lady, my
advice to you also would be to stay away from this coach. It is always packed
and there are chances of you getting a seat in the general compartment rather
than here as those coaches have seats reserved for women.
Step 2: Get into the second coach only if you want to be seen as a
Roadside Romeo: This is not the coach to try your luck for a seat. This
coach is the next one after the ladies’ coach and it consists of three kinds of
people:
1.
Men who have been pushed away from the ladies’
coach
2.
Men who want to check out women and purposely
get into this coach
3.
Men who caught the Metro in the nick of time,
while climbing down from the stairs
Women do not have a great
perception about men in this coach so it is better to stay off this coach as
anyway the three kind of men described above are in abundance, ensuring that
this coach is packed.
Step 3: Sit on the seat reserved for ladies with your reflexes on full
alert: If you get onto a coach and see a seat reserved for ladies
available, do not put a face of content and satisfaction. This seat is like a
temporary post in a Government, which can be pulled away from you any minute.
As soon as a lady enters the coach, you will have to stand up and offer her the
seat in 30 seconds, else not only her reaction but the looks from others will
suddenly make you feel like a dwarf.
NOTE: The only place where you
can get away by sitting on such a seat is the last coach, which normally sees
lesser women boarding it. Go ahead and try your luck!
Step 4: If you have studied Consumer Behaviour or Human Psyche, then
apply it here: Always wondered how psychiatrists or marketers (Really!) are
able to decipher what people are thinking then this is your opportunity to show
that you are no less! People tend to start shifting a bit in their seats,
closing that book that they are reading, start combing their hair, or looking
at their watch just few minutes before their stop is about to arrive. Be smart
and notice this before others and go and stand close to that person. Chances
are that you will get the seat at the next station and you can feel smug about
it. But beware! There are people out there who do all these things and confuse
the hell out of you and have no intention of getting off till the last station!
I hate such con artists.
If after reading all of this, you
are still not able to get a seat in a Metro, then scroll down and read the
Disclaimer, while I go ahead and apply for a patent for this Manual.
Special tips for people outside
Delhi/NCR reading this:
People in Mumbai city: Save this
manual. It may help you someday. The day the Metro does come up.
People in Bangalore/Bengaluru: You are the new kids on the block. Use this
manual and show your expertise.
People in Kolkata: No manual can
help you! Tell Didi that the time has come for an upgrade of the Metro.
People in other places: You will just have to hope that you also get a Metro to be able to use this manual.
Disclaimer: Reading this manual is no guarantee of getting a seat in
the Metro. The writer of this blog still struggles to get a seat every day,
despite showing expertise in the above article.
