Respect - What It Means

Respect. It may seem like a simple seven letter word, but it is powerful enough to be seen as a complete sentence as well. Respect condenses within itself the power to sustain many relationships, it contains within itself the ability to show other people your emotions about how you feel about them, about a situation or even about someone you may not know personally. 

Let me explain myself a bit. One of the foundations of any relationship is the presence of respect in that relationship. Right from our childhood, we are taught that we need to respect our parents, our teachers and our elders and those are the building blocks of our relationship with them. Respect is the adjective that you use when you want to address people from stage. It could be “Respected Guests” or “Respected Judges” and that is the badge value of respect. 

Go deep into the healthy relationships of any couple and they will tell you that the reason our relationship is so strong is that we respect each other. Many broken relationships occur because one of the partners did not respect the other. 

In a professional set up, respect as a value comes into play once again and people like to work for organizations and bosses that respect them.

The beauty of respect is that it does not differentiate between strangers and familiarity or between gender or hierarchy. You could respect someone you do not know as much as how much you would respect people you know. When you react to a video of a friend who has done something that is admirable, you show respect for that. Similarly, when a soldier of your country shows an act of valour to protect you and your borders, you show respect for that as well, even though you may not know the soldier personally.

Respect is something that needs to be earned and one has to work hard for it. Often, our heroes earn our respect because of their acts and deeds, and sometimes they earn this respect at different stages of their lives. No one knew Malala Yousafazai when she was a young student until the time she got shot by the Taliban and then became a Pakistani activist at a young age. The world started respecting her from then on. Nelson Mandela become a worldwide respected personality only after he was sentenced to life imprisonment at the age of 44. 

              Respect is for those who deserve it and not for those who demand it.

While it is difficult to earn respect, it is extremely easy to lose respect. We see this many times when our heroes and our idols fail us and our first reaction is “I have lost all respect for him or her.” World famous cyclist Lance Armstrong lost lot of respect of his fans when he confessed taking drugs to improve his performance.  

They say that knowledge is power but it is respect that defines your character. A true character of a person gets reflected when he speaks ‘respectfully’ not only to his seniors or people who are higher than him in the economic society but also to his juniors and to people who are lower than him in society. So you may be very successful in life and maybe earning a lot of money but if you do not have the respect of others and if you do not show respect to others, then you are still very poor.

Another aspect of respect is that it is not only outward driven, but it is also inward created. That is what self-respect is – the respect that you give to yourself as an individual and that is a sacred wall that no one can trample on, because when people trample on that, it causes lot of hurt.

As the saying goes:

               Respect is earned. Trust is gained. Honesty is appreciated. Loyalty is returned.

While you may be a trustworthy person, a loyal person, an honest person but you would never call yourself self-good, self-loyal or self-honest but you wouldn’t shy away from calling yourself a self-respecting individual. That is the power of ‘Respect.’

MEETING MEN AND WOMEN ON A FARM

Relationship status messages on Facebook, matrimonial sites, dating apps…they are all there around us. If you are single or even if you are not, choices exist for you if you are willing to put in the time and effort that comes along with it. 

Today men and women or even people of the same sex can meet each other through various platforms and see what they can make of these meetings/dates/rendezvous, call it whatever you want. 

Depending on what you are looking for, you can decide on which part of the FARM do you want to be. FARM. Did I just mention FARM? Have I lost it? Till a paragraph back, I was talking about men and women and how they can mingle with each other through various platforms and then suddenly why would I be talking about an agricultural piece of land FARM?

Now now, before you start thinking that I am drunk in the afternoon, let me explain myself. Basis my understanding and observation of human behavior, I have come across four levels at which people want to connect with someone else. I have put these four into a term that I call FARM.

So what does FARM entail? 

FARM consists of a Fling, Affair, Relationship and Marriage.

Different people at different point in their lives choose one of these parts of a FARM. Sometimes it is the same two people who are on different parts of the FARM but quite often, one of the two individuals are different at different parts of the farm. 

How do I further classify these parts and what distinguishes one from the other?

FLING: A fling is a short term event or incident. It usually lasts for a few days and extends sometimes to a month or so. In most cases, a fling has lust at its core unless it starts with the honest intention of a relationship, but due to circumstances or reasons it ends much earlier and ends up being a fling. Quite often, both the individuals knowingly get into a fling, where usually terms like ‘No Strings Attached’ are also heard. I am sure that all you readers are smart individuals and I do not need to explain a fling any further. 

AFFAIR: An affair is usually something that is meant to be known only to the two individuals. Both the parties choose to be discreet about it and do not prefer talking about it or coming out in the open. There is also the fear of getting caught that lies at the core of an affair. Some people get thrilled by living such an emotion and is one of their big reasons to have an affair. Usually, there is an emotion of guilt that is always playing a role when it comes to an affair. That is why, you also hear the term called Extra-Marital Affair.

RELATIONSHIP: This is where emotions start getting involved. You start connecting with the other person on various levels: emotional, intellectual, romantic, physical etc. People call themselves in love when they are in a relationship and love is the core of this segment. People love going out for movies, dinners and dates and have no qualms in telling the world about their partner, their boyfriend/girlfriend. This is the phase when people are glowing and are the happiest. They look forward to the time that they would spend with their partner. 

MARRIAGE: This is the last part of a FARM. A lot of relationships gravitate towards this part and culminate into marriages. This is the part where legality also comes and starts playing a role. This is the part where individuals become an official couple by calling themselves husband and wife, which is like a seal of commitment. 

So friends, these four together represent the FARM and the question is “Which part of the FARM are you sitting at?”

LETTING GO

The topic that I have chosen for today’s blog has some relevance in each and every one of our lives.  As human beings, emotions play a significant role in deciding our behaviour and in building relationships and attachments towards people as well as inanimate objects and things.

Quite often as someone or something becomes ours, we tend to get emotionally attached to it very strongly and the reasons for the same can be multifold. Some people or things bring joy and happiness to us, some others have a certain strong memory/memories attached to it, while some others have been acquired by putting in a lot of value (money or time or emotion or efforts).

From here on, I would like to talk about people and objects as two separate entities as each of the two has a separate emotion and value to it and it would be foolish to talk about the two in the same frame or with the same lens.

I will start with the inanimate objects first as they can be dealt with far easily than people. When I say that they can be dealt with far easily, what I mean is that one can let go off them far more easily. Yes, letting go…..two words which most of us hate to hear when it comes to things that we are very fond of. Letting go is a very strong action which requires one to be strong mentally and emotionally as letting go in most cases also means that you are accepting the fact that the thing will go away from you forever and you will not get to see it again in most cases. It is a very difficult act to perform and that is the reason we see a number of people holding on to a number of things dearly.

Let me illustrate what I am saying by a number of examples.

I have seen a number of mothers keeping the small clothes and toys of their kids, neatly folded/packed, occupying a large amount of space in their houses and cupboards even though the kid has become an adult and has left the home for a bright future. For that mother, there is no monetary value to any of these items but there is so much of nostalgia and memory attached to these items that asking her to let go off these can be very difficult.

Similarly, there are a number of women who still keep a size 26 jeans in their cupboard although they have outgrown that size a number of times over the last few years and they know it very well that they will never be able to reach that size again unless they decide to starve themselves. Yet if you were to ever ask them to let go of this jeans, the response that you will get is that she is keeping it so that she can wear it once again when she comes back to size 26.  Here again, when the woman looks at the jeans what she is actually remembering is that there were those days when she was really that slim. Nostalgia and memories once again play a big role in not allowing her to let go of her jeans.

You have a number of such cases of people keeping things that they won’t use again in future – books, clothes, toys, shoes and the list can go on.

It is always a struggle for them to let go of these possessions but sometimes you need to take that big step and just let it go as most of these things just occupy too much of space, which can be used to store or keep something else. Unless and until the emotion behind keeping that item is way too strong, you should just follow the rule of 6 and let go of these items.

Rule of 6 is an interesting rule that allows or facilitates letting go with some amount of ease. All you have to do is go through all the things that you have/own/possess every six months and ask yourself that which of these is something I have not used/worn/taken out in the last six months and put all those items aside. Once you have got them separated and if they are more than 6 items then what you can do is ask yourself that which of the 6 out of these is something I can let go off without feeling very bad. Select those 6 items and just discard them. You will feel better at this after sometime and you will also realise how much space you have got for new things and items in your life.

Now that the easy part has been talked about, let me talk about the difficult part which involves letting go of people.

Just look around and you will see a number of people who are holding on to another person even though there is no meaning left in holding on any more as there is no love or no happiness or no bond.  You see people holding on to companies (who I will consider as people) even though they are not happy there, people holding on to their partners even though the relationship or marriage has gone kaput, people holding on to friends who are really not friends but opportunists.

In most cases, people are holding on to other people and not letting go because of:

1. The time and effort that they have given – Seen mostly in case of companies, relationships and friendships
2. Kids and Social stigma – Seen mostly in case of marriages
3. Fear of the future and the unknown – Seen mostly in case of companies, relationships and marriages
4. Inertia or the mental strength – Seen mostly in case of companies and relationships

Almost all the people know when there is a genuine bond or feeling between people and when are they really holding on. There is just no point in dragging it for more time when you know that the result will be the same or worse. Of course, in the case of people, one has to try much harder and see if there is any merit and value in holding on or not before deciding the next step.

Yes, letting go in this case is not easy at all and it can really drain you out but sometimes when it has to be done it has to be done. Unfortunately there is no rule of 6 that can work in this case. The only rule that works here is asking your heart and your head whether it is worth continuing any more or will you be happy and better off outside and with that single approach, just go ahead and let go.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE LIKE PLANTS

Relationships are like plants. They need to be nurtured. The way plants need right amount of sunlight, water, fertilisers, soil, etc., similarly, relationships also need right amount of love, understanding and space.

When taken good care of, plants develop strong roots that gives them stability and strength. Same is the case with relationships. If proper care is given to the relationship, it becomes more rooted to ensure the turmoils that will try to come and uproot it.

Plants take in carbon dioxide and give out oxygen. Often, relationships also do that, where one of the partners takes in all the bad things of the other and yet gives out all the love that he/she has.

Plants prove that they have been taken good care of either by continuing to grow more or by bearing flowers and fruits. Relationships also prove that they are being nurtured properly when the people involved in it continue to be happy and their happiness increases more and more. They love each other more when they know that the relationship is being taken good care of.

Plants react very strongly when you put more water than required or your forget to put water or when they receive more than desired sunlight. Similarly, relationships also react when the amount of love is less, there is no space given to the individuals or there are too many misunderstandings.

Sometimes, one goes out of town and when one comes back, one needs to give immediate to the plants as they have not been cared for. Same holds good for relationships. In order to keep it alive, one needs to keep doing a reality check often so that they know that when a relationship needs more attention to keep it going.

Lastly, plants tend to wither when it gets neglected, when there is no-one to tender each and every leaf of it. Relationships also die when the people involved in it neglect each other or do not take care of each and every need of the other.

IF EACH SPORT WAS A WOMAN, WHAT RELATIONSHIP WOULD I HAVE WITH THEM

As the title of this blog suggests, I have let my imagination go a little wild and allowed to indulge myself by thinking each sport to be a woman. By this imaginative logic, let me tell you that I have known lot of guys, who could easily qualify as Casanovas, as they have had all kinds of women falling for them, which means that they have excelled in each and every sport that they have played in their lives.


If I were to talk about myself in this regards, then I guess, people would call me a compulsive flirt – trying my hands/legs at each and every sport…getting lucky (to be read as ‘managing decently well’) in some and realizing that some are not meant for me.

After lot of thinking, analysis, and introspection I have been able to put my relationship status with each of these women and each one is/was actually at a different stage of relationship in my life.

So without talking any more, here goes my relationship status, which I am today openly putting in front of the entire world:

Carrom: Would call my relationship with this as that of ‘puppy love’. Fell for it at a very young age….we overgrew each other over the years. There is still fondness for her but its more of a caring kind, which says that “Don’t worry, when no one is there to support you, I will always be there”.

Basketball: There was something about her that made me go after her. You can call it instant attraction. We saw each other for some time, but our relationship had its ups and downs. We broke up, then got together again, then broke up again to once again get together. Finally, we realised that there is a compatibility issue between us and there is no point in continuing like this. We parted ways amicably, though even today, whenever we meet we have a good time.

Skateboarding: When you are 17 and you just enter college and the entire college is crazy after one girl, you also go after her in the hope that you may get a chance to talk to her. Once you have managed to speak to her and things start falling in place, you have great pride in walking across the campus with her to show her off and to make others jealous. Skateboarding was that woman for me and it allowed me to flaunt what I had got.

Volleyball: We were going good for a few years and all looked good, but then she asked for a commitment and I was not ready for that. We had to say good bye to each other, though both of us know that whenever we meet, the attraction will come back.

Football: When you have just entered your teens and you rebellious nature is just coming out, you like to be with someone who is a tomboy and who also has a rebellious and aggressive nature. Football was that tomboy for me. She knew my state of mind during those years and she helped me in controlling my aggression. We knew we are just helping each other and later in the day, we will just move on. That is what happened.

Table Tennis: This is a woman I have been having a very long term relationship with. We have been seeing each other for almost 14 years now, though we were not together in the middle for 3 – 4 years, but we realised that we can’t stay without each other and we came back together. I can easily say that she has been my rock steady partner. She understands me and my temperament and allows me to be myself…totally uninhibited and I like it that way.

In between my long term relationship with Table Tennis, I have been with other partners also and have also had some flings. In fact, there is a clear understanding of mine with Table Tennis that we will meet other potential partners also, even though we are together so that we know at the end of the day that we chose to be with each other only because others were not fit for us. This is my status with other partners:

Cricket: I have a long-distance relationship with her. We meet once a year and get updated about each others’ lives. There is nothing more to it as we know that our futures are not connected.

Lawn Tennis: We have just started dating each other some time back and these are early days. We are trying to know each other, understand each other’s personalities, likes and dislikes. Right now, I can say that I look forward to my weekend dates with her. Let’s see how it goes from here.

Badminton: The relationship with badminton is kind-of complicated. We don’t meet each other very often and we have not broken up also. Both of us are busy in our lives and in meeting other partners that we don’t miss each other so much. But, whenever there is no one else, we tend to come together. I guess both of us like it that way.

Swimming: What do I say about her? She says she is not into relationships at all. She is just looking for a bonding… does not want to call it a relationship… is just happy that I drop in whenever I can. She has no demands and no expectations. I would call her the silent lover.

This sums up my relationship history with all these beautiful women that I have been lucky to have met in my life. Each one has made moments of life beautiful and I would like to thank each one of them in making me what I am today.